Til: Deg.....Fra: Dan Reed & meg

                                                                                         
                                                                                                   
Kjære deg...                                                                                                     In english here                                                                                    

Jeg trodde ikke det ville komme flere innlegg før jul, men jeg har lyst til å gi bort en liten "gave" til deg. Jeg ønsker å gi deg noe godt du kan ta med deg inn i julen, og jeg håper du vil sette pris på den. Dette blir nok langt, men jeg håper du finner tid til å sette deg ned..
Jeg har alltid med meg Nathali når jeg skriver, men denne gangen vil du også få et spesielt møte og en personlig hilsen fra en annen person som også betyr veldig mye for meg...Dan Reed.

Jeg er et av de menneskene som har måttet re-definere virkeligheten og livet jeg skal leve videre uten Nathali. Jeg ser at jeg har skiftet prioriteringer i livet, og jeg er mer bevisst på valgene mine. Jeg verdsetter familie og venner på en annen måte nå, og det går mye dypere enn før. Jeg tar ikke dem og livet som noen selvfølge lenger.
Det aller viktigste er at jeg klarer å verdsette små gleder og øyeblikk og tar vare på dem som små skatter..

I evighetens perspektiv, er øyeblikket som et liv (Piet Hein)

Det er sjelden jeg leser gamle innlegg, men i dag tok jeg en liten gjennomgang. Det er rart å se prosessen jeg går igjennom beskrevet med ord. Noen innlegg virker nesten litt fremmede, men jeg vet jo at det er jeg som har skrevet dem. Når jeg bestemte meg for å prøve å skrive blogg visste jeg ikke hvilken retning den ville ta, men jeg hadde et mål om å skrive om gode opplevelser og tanker. Det ble derfor veldig spesielt for meg å se at det første ordentlige innlegget "Closer" faktisk er skrevet etter møtet med Dan.

Han har blitt en god venn i tillegg til at han er en fantastisk musiker.

Jeg kjenner ingen andre som har levd et så kontrastfylt liv.

Bandet Dan Reed Network hadde stor suksess på 80/90-tallet, Og var på Top 40 listen med sangen "Ritual" De var support-band for Rolling Stones, og har delt scene med Bon Jovi, Def Leppard og David Bowie. DRN spilte for titusener på store stadioner, og han levde det "gode" Rock&Roll-livet. Dan fikk nok etter turneen med Stones, tok en pause fra alt og dro til India der han fikk  intervjue Dalai Lama personlig. I dette intervjuet forteller Dan om møtet og hvorfor han dro: "Jeg så i speilet og fant ut at jeg var en del av problemet som jeg hadde problemer med."
Tilbake i USA etter denne reisen, ble det ikke godt mottatt av plateselskapet at han hadde barbert bort det lange håret som var en viktig del av imagen for å selge musikken. Han ville inn i film og teater og ble manusforfatter, regissør og skuespiller. Etter dette startet han en nattklubb i Portland,Oregon som ble en enorm suksess, og han levde et tøft liv der narkotika og alkohol ville tatt livet av han dersom han ikke kom seg vekk. Etter å ha mistet sin far og tatt seg av moren, dro han tilbake til India... Nå bor han i Praha og lager musikk igjen.

Jeg synes det er spennende å høre om dette livet, men jeg er enda mer fascinert av reisen han la ut på for å prøve å finne svar på hvordan han kunne fokusere på selve livet.
Han har bodd med munker i kloster i Tibet, intervjuet Dalai Lama og oppsøkt mennesker og religioner rundt i verden for å stille spørsmål og finne svar. Det er denne "reisen" og "livs-visdommen" som har truffet meg så inderlig. Jeg vet ikke så mye om hans materielle liv, men det jeg beundrer og blir litt misunnelig på, er hans " tilstedeværelse i livet" og all varmen og kjærligheten han gir til dem han møter.Jeg vil også kjenne på det, og jeg vet at de verdiene ikke kan kjøpes for penger... Det er tankene mine som må gjøre denne jobben. Belønningen vil være indre ro, en følelse av helhet, håp, og muligheten til å kjenne at jeg er tilstede i mitt eget liv!
Jeg blir også smittet av hans inderlige samfunnsengasjement, og har ofte tenkt at hvis alle hadde vært som han, så hadde vi ikke hatt kriger..." We learn to Love, but We love to Fight"
( Fra Brave New World)
Han har spilt på Democratic National Convention og på  innsettelsesfesten til Barack Obama.

Jeg har forandret meg, og jeg kan takke Dan for å ha gitt meg mange tanker som gjør at jeg blir oppfattet som "sterk" midt oppi alt det vonde som har skjedd.

Dan har en helt spesiell evne til å kommunisere på følelsesnivå. Ordene og musikken går rett inn i hjertet mitt, de får meg til å tenke, og det er disse "samtalene" jeg elsker. (Og vi trenger ikke være enige om alt ;-)
Det er dette jeg ønsker å gi videre til deg som leser...et møte med Dan i en situasjon der han viser at det er mulig å gjøre noe vondt til noe godt...

10 august ville Nathali fylt 12 år. En vanskelig dag der tankene om første gang jeg holdt henne i armene mine har fått følge av tankene om den siste omfavnelsen. Vi har erfaringer med at dersom vi planlegger noe godt, er det mulig å komme gjennom. Jeg visste at Dan skulle ha flere konserter i Sverige rundt den tiden, men han hadde også nevnt at han skulle til Norge. Vi var villige til å reise langt dersom det var en mulighet til å oppleve han igjen.
Jeg kan fortsatt kjenne følelsen jeg satt med etter å ha lest svaret... Han skulle ha konsert i Fredrikstad den 10 aug. Den 11 hadde han fri, og dersom vi ønsket det ville han se det som en stor ære å komme til oss og holde en Minnekonsert for Nathali...
Vi var usikre på om vi ville klare det, men den klare stemmen fra hjertet sa det jeg trengte å høre..."Selvfølgelig skal dere det, mamma!!"

Jeg har bestemt meg for å dele et lite video-klipp fra Konserten han hadde hos oss.
Innlegget "Smilet fra Hjertet" er skrevet etter denne opplevelsen. Jeg klarte ikke skrive om selve konserten da, men nå er tiden inne.
Det ble en fantastisk kveld der alle som var tilstede fikk en unik opplevelse. Vi ønsket ikke at dette skulle være en ny begravelse..Det var jo bursdagen hennes! Vi ønsket at det skulle være noe godt og vår måte å si takk til familien og vennene som vi er så glade i. Nathali var tilstede på en vakker og god måte, og rommet var fylt med varme og kjærlighet fra mennesker som betyr mye for oss. Jeg er sikker på at hun smilte og koste seg.
Denne konserten ble på mange måter et vendepunkt i sorgen både for oss og de som var tilstede. Dan hjalp oss med å kjenne på takknemligheten over å ha hatt henne i livene våre, og det var godt.

Moren min beskrev det på denne måten:
"Minnekonserten med Dan ble "broen" vi trengte for å komme fra den dype sorgen og smerten og over til gleden og takknemligheten.!
Vi har balansert på "glatte steiner" og vært redde for å falle. Familie og venner har prøvd å hjelpe oss, men de har også vært redde for å tråkke feil. Denne kvelden opplevde alle at det ble bygget en bro der vi trygt kan bevege oss mellom det vonde og det gode. Vi kan gå ved siden av hverandre, eller vi kan gå alene. Vi kan gå frem og tilbake så ofte vi vil, men også stoppe midt på og ta et dypt pust og en pause dersom det blir for vanskelig å fokusere.

Siden konserten fremkalte mange minner og følelser hos meg og andre, ønsker jeg ikke vise publikum. (med unntak av min kjære svoger som passet på BR-opptakeren...) Jeg håper det blir respektert at opptaket er en del av blogginnlegget, og at det ikke deles i andre sammenhenger uten at jeg blir kontaktet først. Velkommen som gjest...

Dan vet om bloggen min, og jeg ble veldig stolt og glad når han sa ja til å skrive noen ord spesielt til deg. Han er en travel mann med mange reisedøgn og konserter, men jeg vet at han satte av god tid til å tenke gjennom hva han ønsker å si til deg...

Til  Deg  Fra Dan Reed

It is a great honor to pen something for the lovely, insightful and inspiring Bente and her most endearing and important Blog. Thank you for the kind invitation to share something with your readers, and can only hope that the experience that I highlight below brings some form of inspiration to those who take the time to read the words below. With love... 

I had the great opportunity to interview the Dalai Lama's personal physician back in 1992 in Northern India, named Dr. Cheduk. He was in his late 80's at the time, blind in one eye from his harsh treatment by the Chinese military while in occupied Tibet. He was freed from his imprisonment after receiving help from Amnesty International and was, at the time, back at the side of His Holiness, the Dalai Lama who lived, and still lives, in exile in Dharmsala, India. Dr. Cheduk spoke no English so we had a translator, but what he taught me that day still resonates with me over 20 years later.

He spoke of the 'root' of illness... how to cope with loss as a part of life, and extension of the gift we get to experience living in this world, no matter how short or long... and that through understanding every breath is a blessing, we can heal ourselves, and rise above grief and depression. 

Dr. Cheduk said that there are three types of illnesses... mental, physical and spiritual... and all three of these illnesses are caused by three things... attachment, hatred and delusions. (As they say... all things come in three's), and it appeared it was true in Tibetan Buddhism on more than a few subjects. As with anything that comes in three's it stands to reason that two, if joined together, will always over power the one left out, or not included. The same is true with illness and how we cope with stress, pressure, pain and depression. 

First let me explain his view on attachment, hatred and delusions. I asked him why one man can smoke cigarettes for a few months and get lung cancer, while another man can start smoking when he was 12, smokes a pack a day, and lives in to his 90's? The good Doctor smiled then explained that the person who get cancer quickly is most likely riddled with not only 'attachment' to the smoking habit, but also attachment to his perceived power in the world, his ego, possibly money, many things that add stress to one's life... and also may have a healthy dose of 'hatred' in his mental diet... could be self hatred for smoking, hatred towards the neighbor for his dog going to the bathroom in his yard, or to his boss for never recognizing or praising his accomplishments. And there is 'delusions'... where I 'could' be in life... where I 'should' be in life... imagining I would be truly happy if I had taken this or that turn in life instead of the path I am currently on. Regrets... and Hopes... too many of each, instead of living in the moment. 

The old man who never got cancer simply led a more balanced life in these affairs, according to Dr. Cheduk. The man did not beat himself up for smoking, but rather enjoyed it, felt no guilt, or little of it, in all his life decisions, allowing his mental, physical and spiritual bodies to resonate a more healthy existence, instead of being burdened by the weight of doubt and self consciousness. 

When the mental and physical are in balance, but the spiritual not in balance... it is still two out of three humming in the right space and one can find insight, inspiration, 'light' for lack of a better word... but if one spends all their time keeping the body in shape, but the mental and spiritual bodies are ill or in despair, then in time the body most likely will fail. If the mental and spiritual bodies are in a good place, but the body is falling apart, sometimes, and we have heard countless stories that attest to this... the body can heal, and even thrive again. 

If we can manage to look in the mirror and admit our attachments, let go of hatred and dispel the illusions in our life... then mental, physical and spiritual illnesses will have a hard time grabbing on to our system. Although this seems to make a lot of sense in the years since, it is often a hard sell in a world where we leave our physical wellness in the hands of a doctor, our mental health in the hands of psychiatrist, and our spiritual health in the hands of a religious leader or some form of religion. Very rarely are we aware, or even taught, that is the person in the mirror that we see every morning that can be in charge of all three if we so choose to. Of course we need guidance, help and modern medicine from time to time to help us on that journey... but to empower ourselves is to empower our body and our mind. 

All good lessons from a man who was in charge of the health of the temporal leader of the Tibetan people. Dr. Cheduk has since passed away but before we finished our conversation the translator leaned over to me and said, "Did you know Dr. Cheduk survived twelve years in prison surviving on nothing but water and gnawing on his leather jacket as a protest to his imprisonment?", to which I replied... "You must be kidding... how is that possible?". The translator who was also a doctor in Tibetan Medicine, although much younger, responded, "The Doctor used his mind to turn the skin of the cow, the jacket, into the nutrients of the meat, and along with water this allowed him to survive even though his body was quite ill at the end of the 12 years. It was this hunger strike that caught the attention of Amnesty International, and why he lost sight in one eye."

I have since asked friends in the field of medicine if this was possible... and all anyone can tell me is, "If that is true... then it is some very strong mind over matter." 

Amen to that... and to the depth, and the power, of the mind, body and soul.

Hvis du har funnet tid til å lese alt vi har skrevet, har du også fått muligheten til å kjenne nærhet til ditt eget liv og egne tanker. Jeg håper dette kan inspirere deg til å tenke at et godt liv ikke bare handler om penger, status og alt man skulle ønske man hadde, men ikke kan få.... Du har mye i deg selv!

Jeg ønsker av hele mitt hjerte at du vil oppleve gode øyeblikk du kan lagre som fine juleminner..
God Jul & Godt Nytt År

Klem fra Bente

(Siden vi har skrevet dette sammen, kan du også legge igjen en kommentar til Dan dersom du føler for det. Ikke vær redd for å skrive engelsk...han er god i det språket ;-) Han har tatt noen mnd pause fra artistlivet nå, men kommer tilbake!! Du finner mer info på hjemmesiden hans: http://www.danreed.com/  eller Facebook)

To: You...From: Dan Reed & me (english version)

                                                                             
Dear Friend ...                                                                                             In norwegian here                                      
                                                     

I didn't think there would be a new blogpost before Christmas, but I want to give you a "gift" that can give you something good. I hope you will appreciate it. The post became quite long, but I hope you'll find time to sit down and read.

 Nathali is always with me when I write. In this post you will also meet and get a personal greeting from another person who means a lot to me ... Dan Reed.

I am one of those people who must redefine reality and learn to live a new life without my daughter, Nathali .
I see that I have changed my priorities in life, and I'm more conscious of my choices. I value family and friends in a different way now, and  the love between us feels much deeper. I don't take them and their lives for granted anymore.
The most important thing in my life now, are the appreciation of small pleasures and moments and I want to take care of those little treasures ..

 In the perspective of Eternity, the Moment is like a Life.. (Piet Hein)

I rarely read old posts, but today I took a little review. It is strange to see the process I go through described by words. Some posts almost seems a little unfamiliar, but I know that the words are mine. When I decided to start writing the blog, I didn't know which direction it would take, but I had a goal, I wanted to write about good experiences and thoughts. Therefore, it was very special for me to see that the first real post "Closer" is actually written after I met Dan .
( I write in Norwegian, but you will find a "Translate-button" under the headline. Sometimes the translation become really weird, but I hope you will understand ;-) )

He has become a good friend and he is an amazing musician.

I don't know anyone else who has lived a life so full of contrasts .

The band Dan Reed Network had great success back in the 80/90's , and was on the Top 40 list with the song "Ritual"
They were support band on the Rolling Stones tour and have also shared the stage with Bon Jovi, Def Leppard and David Bowie. DRN played for ten-thousands people in big stadiums, and Dan lived the "good" Rock & Roll - life. After the tour with the Stones, he took a break from everything and went to India where he got the chance to interview the Holiness of Dalai Lama personally. In this interview Dan tells about the meeting, and why he left the music scene: " I looked in the mirror and found I was part of the problem that I was having issues with"
Back in the U.S. after this journey, it was not well received by the record company that he had shaved  his long hair which was an important part of the image to sell music. He wanted to get in to the film and theatre, and became a writer, creator and actor. After that he started a nightclub in Portland, Oregon wich became a huge success, and he lived a tough life where drugs and alcohol would  kill him if he didn't get away. After his father passed away and taken care of his mother, he returned to India....Now he lives in Prague,and makes music again.

I think it's exciting to hear about this life, but I'm even more fascinated by the journey he embarked, trying to find answers how to focus on life itself.
He lived in monastrey with monks in Tibet, he met His Holiness Dalai Lama, he has interviewed and visited people and religions around the world, to ask questions and find answers.
It is this " journey " and " life wisdom " that has touched me so deeply . I don't know much about his material life, but what I admire and makes me a little jealous, is his " presence in life " and all the warmth and love he gives to other people. I want to feel it too, and I know that money can't buy those values ...I know that my mind and thoughts must do the job.
The reward will be a kind of  inner peace, sense of wholeness, hope and a opportunity to feel that I'm present in my own life.

I am also infected by his fervent community involvement, and have often thought that if everyone had been like him, then we would not have wars ... "We learn to Love, but We love to Fight "
(from  "Brave New World")
He has performed at the Democratic National Convention and  Barack Obama's inauguration party.

I've changed, and I must thank Dan for giving me many thoughts that makes me a person people look up to because of my "strength" in the midst of all the bad things that have happened.

Dan has a unique ability to communicate in an emotional level. The words and the music goes straight into my heart, they makes me think, and I love these " conversations ". (And we don't have to agree on everything ;-)
This is what I want to bring to you who read ... a meeting with Dan in a situation where he shows that it is possible to make something bad to something good ...

August 10th Nathali would have been 12 years. A difficult day, where thoughts about the first time I held her in my arms was joined by thoughts about the last embrace. We have experienced that if we plan something good, it is possible to get through days like this. I knew that Dan should have concerts in Sweden about  that time, but he had also mentioned that he was going to Norway .
We were willing to travel long distance if there was an opportunity to experience him again.
I can still feel the feeling after reading the answer ... He should have a concert in Fredrikstad August 10th On 11 he was free, and if we wanted, he said it would be a great honor  to come to us and perform a Memorial Concert for Nathali ...
We were unsure if we were strong enough to make it , but the clear voice from the deepest of my heart said the words I needed  ... " Of course, you must do it, Mom ! "

I have decided to share a small video clip from the memorial-concert .
The post "Smilet fra Hjertet" /(  The Smile from the Heart ) is written after this experience. I could not write about the concert then, but now is the right time .
It was a wonderful evening where everyone who attended had a unique experience. We didn't want this to be like a second funeral, it was her birthday! We hoped it would be something good and our way of saying "thank you" to family and friends who means so much to us. Nathali's spirit attended in a beautiful way, we felt her presence, and the room was filled with warmness, support and love from the people who love us.
I 'm sure she was smiling and enjoyed everything that happend .

This concert has in many ways became a turning point in sorrow for us and those who were attended.
Dan helped us to feel gratitude for having her in our lives, and it felt so good .

My mother described it this way:
"The Memorial concert with Dan became the " bridge" between the deep sorrow & pain on one side, and joy and gratitude on the other ."

We have balanced on the "slippery rocks" and felt the fear of falling. Family and friends have tried to help us, but they have also been afraid of taking wrong steps.
This evening we all felt that it was built a bridge where we can safely move between the bad and the good. We can walk side by side, or we can walk alone. We can go back and forward as often as we want, but also stop in the middle and take a big breath and a break if it's too hard to focus .

Since the concert evoked many memories and emotions for me and others , I do not show the public . (with the exception of my dear brother in law who looked after the BR recorder ...) I hope you will respect that the video is part of the blog post, and not share in other contexts without contact me first.
Welcome as my  Guest ...

Dan knows about my blog, and I became very proud and happy when he said yes to write some  words especially for you. He is a busy man with many days on the road and concerts, but I know he spent time to think what he wants to say to you ...

For You From Dan Reed

It is a great honor two pen something for the lovely , insightful and inspiring Bente and her most endearing and important Blog. Thank you for the kind invitation to share something with your readers , and can only hope that the experience that I highlight below brings some form of inspiration Thurs those who take the time to read the words below . With love ...

I had the great opportunity two interview the Dalai Lama 's personal physician back in 1992 in Northern India named Dr. Cheduk . He was in his late 80 's at the time , blind in one eye from his harsh treatment by the Chinese military while in occupied Tibet. He was freed from his imprisonment after Receiving help from Amnesty International and was , at the time , back at the side of His Holiness , the Dalai Lama who lived , and still lives , in exile in Dharmsala , India. Dr. Cheduk spoke no English so we had a translator, but what he taught me that day still resonates with me over 20 years later .

He spoke of the ' root ' of illness ... how to cope with loss as a part of life , and extension of the poison we get to experience living in this world , no matter how short or long ... and that through understanding every breath is a blessing , we can heal ourselves , and rise above grief and depression .

Dr. Cheduk said that there are three types of illness ... mental , physical and spiritual ... and all three of these illness are caused by three things ... attachment , hatred and delusions . (As they say ... all things come in three 's) , and it Appeared it was true in Tibetan Buddhism on more than a few subjects . As with anything that comes in three 's it stands two reasonthat two , if joined together , will always overpower the one left out , or not included. The same is true with illness and how we cope with stress, pressure , pain and depression .

First let me explain his view on attachment , hatred and delusions . I asked him why one man can smoke cigarettes for a few months and get lung cancer , while another one can start smoking when he was 12 , smokes a pack a day , and two lives in his 90 's? The good Doctor smiled then explained that the person who get cancer Quickly is most thunderstorms riddled with not only ' attachment' to the smoking habit , but also his two attachment Perceived power in the world , his ego, possibly money, many things that add stress to one 's life ... and may also have a healthy dose of ' hatred ' in his mental diet ... could be self hatred for smoking , hatred towards the neighbor for his dog going to the bathroom in his yard , or two for his boss never Recognizing or praising his accomplishments . And there is ' delusions ' ... where I ' could ' be in life ... where I ' should ' be in life ... imagining I would be truly happy if I had taken this or that turn in life instead of the path I am currently on . Regrets ... Hopes and ... Too many of each , instead of living in the moment .

The old man who never got cancer simply lead a more balanced life in these affairs , According To Dr. Cheduk . The man did not beat himself up for smoking , but rather enjoyed it , field no guilt , or little of it , in all his life decisions , Allowing his mental , physical and spiritual bodies two resonate a more healthy existence , instead of being burdened by the weight of doubt and self consciousness .

When the mental and physical are in balance, but the spiritual not in balance ... It is still two out of three humming in the right space and one can find insight , inspiration , ' light' for lack of a better word ... but if one spender all their time keeping the body in shape, but the mental and spiritual bodies are ill or in despair , then in time the body most thunderstorms will fail . If the mental and spiritual bodies are in a good place, but the body is falling apart , sometimes, and we have heard countlessother stories that attest to this ... the body can heal , and even Thrive again .

If we can mana to look in the mirror and admit our attachments , let go of hatred and dispel the illusions in our life ... then mental , physical and spiritual illness will have a hard time grabbing on to our system . Although this seems to make a lot of sense in the years since , it is often a hard sell in a world where we leave our physical wellness in the hands of a doctor , our mental health in the hands of psychiatrist , and our spiritual health in the hands of a religious leader or some form of religion. Very rarely are we aware , or even taught , that is the person in the mirror that we see every morning that can be in charge of all three if we so choose two . Of course we need guidance , help and modern medicine from time to time to help us on that journey ... but to empower ourselves is two empower our body and our mind .

All good lessons from a man who was in charge of the health of the temporal leader of the Tibetan people. Dr. Cheduk has since passed away but before we finished our conversation the translator leaned over to me and said , " Did you know Dr. Cheduk survived twelve years in prison surviving on nothing but water and gnawing on his leather jacket as a protest two his imprisonment ? " , two wooden I replied ... "You must be kidding ... how is that possible ? " . The translator who was also a doctor in Tibetan Medicine, although much younger , responded , " The Doctor used his mind-to turn the skin of the cow , the jacket , into the nutrients of the meat , and along with water this allowed him to Survive even though his body was quite ill at the end of the 12 years . It was this hunger strike that caught the attention of Amnesty International, and why he lost sight in one eye . "

I have since asked friends in the field of medicine if this was possible ... and all anyone can tell me is , " If that is true ... then it is something very strong mind over matter . "

Amen to that ... and to the depth , and the power , of the mind , body and soul .

If you have had the time to read everything we have written, you've also got the opportunity to know the proximity to your own life and your own thoughts . I hope this will inspire you to think that a good life is not just about money, status and everything you wish you had but can not get .... You have lots of values inside yourself!

I wish with all my heart that you will experience great moments you can keep as Christmas memories ..
Merry Christmas &  Happy New Year

Love from Bente

(Since we write this together, you are welcome to leave a comment for Dan if you want to. Don't be afraid to write in English ... he knows the language ;-) He has taken a few months break from the artist life now, but he will be back! More info on his homepage: http://www.danreed.com/ and  facebook )